Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
