Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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