I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
