We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
