How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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