i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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