You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
