If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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