And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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