I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
