i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize