THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He? As in you personified your dick?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
