Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
