its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
