that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Randomize
