im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
50% drunk capacity currently
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize