There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
