so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
