Come see our sink grown plant.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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