Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
