took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
