How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
