I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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