Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
