You're completely useless in the revolution.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
