Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
