So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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