the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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