I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
