Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize