I'm eating all of the evidence.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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