Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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