I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
