Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
