Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
