While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
