I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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