life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We just shotgunned beers for America
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
