I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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