How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize