she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
