my mouth tastes like poor choices
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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