Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've blown a few things in my day
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize