it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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