ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
