Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
