I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
