If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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