Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
