I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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