I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
