I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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