i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
