i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
