Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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