I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
