dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
