I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
