this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Are my feet made of real feet?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
