I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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