Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
