You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize