You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
