Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
