Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
