Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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