this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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