You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
