Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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