I feel great
I just peed on a car
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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