it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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