Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
