The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
