I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
