I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i dont even know how to be here
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
