Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
