apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
