i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
