is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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