Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
