i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
