I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize