To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
