just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
