If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
