im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
