i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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