He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well I just put wine in my tea
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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