Will you blow on my dice?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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