there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
