u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
