Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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