playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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