Don't you send me to vm
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
