just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
