I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
