My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
