i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize