i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize